The Art of Communication Between a Man and a Woman: The No Pants In the Car Story

So, I know my NB (New Beginnings) girls will appreciate this story (and no, I’m not making this up; I came straight to my computer so I wouldn’t lose the lines.):

I returned home from class at The River, followed by a quick stop at our favorite Hy-Vee.  I needed to unload the car, so I walked in the front door of our house and said to Karl, “Honey, I thought I would need you to come with me on a drive to find my pants.”  I had a bag in my arms, and Honor was helping (innocent bystander).

Karl responded, “Excuse me?”

I said, “Well, it’s OK now, but I thought my pants flew out the window while I was driving.  So, I was going to need you to come with me to find them.  But not now.”  (Logical, right?!)

Karl responded (with a tone, mind you), “EXCUSE ME, BUT WHY WERE YOU DRIVING WITHOUT YOUR PANTS?”

So I got mad and snapped back, “Yeah, you’re RIGHT, I was driving without my pants for all of the world to see my PARTS!”  I was walking and shaking my head in frustration.

He started to respond, so I stopped him and told him the background:  “Remember that pair of pants I have that need to get shortened, and the zipper seam tore?  Well, they were in my back seat.  I had the windows open, because it’s such a GORGEOUS DAY (can you see his eyes rolling?), and I thought they flew out while I was driving!  But they didn’t; somehow, my computer bag moved forward, the pants fell behind it, and then my computer back returned to its original position… SO I COULDN’T SEE MY PANTS.  SO, I thought they’d flown out the window!”  (BIG DUH, RIGHT?!)

He said, “Well, excuse me that I didn’t understand; I’m half asleep.”  He walked away, shaking his head.

15 minutes later…

I was in the kitchen almost wetting my pants with laughter.  He asked, “What’s so funny?”

I responded, “What’s NOT funny about The No Pants In the Car story?  I have to tell my NB girls about this!  They’ll totally get it.”  The story has thus replayed in my mind, and the hilarity struck me.

He rolled his eyes, “What’s so funny?  I wanted to know why you were driving without your pants on.”

I said, “Excuse me, but really?  Why would I be driving without my pants?”

(Can you see how this is replaying?)

He stated, matter-of-factly, “Well, I’ve driven without my pants on.”

I said, “EXACTLY.  AND THAT’S WHY YOU’RE A MAN, AND I’M A WOMAN, AND WE ARE EVEN HAVING TO HAVE THIS DISCUSSION:  Because YOU think it’s normal, and the rest of us know it’s NOT.”

He said, “There’s a perfectly good reason I’ve driven without my pants:  I was changing!”

I paused for a few seconds, was walking to the other room, and then yelled (from the other room), “You can talk to Jesus about that when you meet Him at the gate!”

He quickly replied, “He’ll understand, and He sure won’t care.”

That, Jesus Girls, is the Art of Communication Between a Man and Woman.  No wonder our relationships are so crazy some days!

To further affirm my story, after sharing it with my New Beginnings girls, one of them told me her husband told her "that if he ever pulls up next to you while you’re driving, he will NOT look and will quickly switch lanes."

P.S.  Karl did read the story, too, so it is "fair and balanced."

Faith and "Celebrity"

I bet that if I listed a host of "celebrity" names, most people would be able to identify more than one of them.  If I type names like Saul, Moses, Esther, Rachel, Abraham, Peter, Mary, Luke and JESUS... well, are you following me?

Our culture has come to attach much power, wisdom and value to names... simply because of this thing called CELEBRITY.  In the last five years, the notion of celebrity has drawn a wider circle of friends.  Yes, I am referring to our host of reality shows and the elevation to which they have lifted common people.  We all want our fifteen minutes of fame, don't we?  That's for another time.

What is our fixation on these distant people, with whom we have no real connection or relation?  We fixate on the distant, I think, so we do not have to know the close.  In the Kingdom, relationship is paramount.  Without relationship, how do we know the Father through the Son?  We cannot.

In the age of technology, which I love, we have warped a very positive thing.  We have lost relationship, personal responsibility and LIFE via email, social media and text messaging.  Am I missing anything?  By the time this is posted, I will likely be behind the times!

On the issue of celebrity and our fixation on it, we invest decisions, life changes, hopes and dreams in a society of people in which we no relationship.  This is simply insanity!  We all know people who will take advice and direction from a celebrity's interview clip or book before they will from a close and trusted family member, friend or trained professional.  Again, this is simply insanity!  There is no rational explanation that will convince me that this is the way we are to live.

Authority lies in one place, and that is with the Lord, King and Savior, Jesus Christ.  If He is not first, then all else is lost in our world.  When I put anything before Jesus, it fails, every stinkin' time.  Without fail!  When we choose to live a life bound by the values of the world, we lose.  When we choose to live a life outside of the Kingdom, we lose.  There is only one right and wholesome way to live, and the plan for that kind of living is outlined in the world's greatest history book.  The Bible provides the blueprint for life in every facet, and then some, by which we are to live.

Would you consider shutting off the television, putting the laptop asleep and setting aside your iPhone for 15 minutes with the Son?  You might find yourself transformed for life... and on the path to a life so full of blessings that it knocks your socks off your feet.

Some Things Are So Unclear That They Make Perfect Sense

Life is so filled with twists, turns and flips.  We were wired by God for many things, some of which include thinking, creating, analyzing, debating, decision-making... emotion.  We each find a few things in our lives that entice our curiosity and passion so much that these curiosities become hobbies and life work.  Sometimes these things define us.

In the big picture, health and wellness have been a part of my life since I was a child.  I have always been physically active, and thank God I had a mom who actually cooked REAL, homemade FOOD (not stuff people claim to be food).  Fast food and packaged cookies were foreign concepts in my upbringing.  Thank you, Mom!

The role wellness has played has evolved over the years, and today my husband (Koach Karl) and I are passionate in reaching our own wellness potential and helping others discover their path as well.  We stumble, persevere and get off track now and then, but like any healthy relationship, wellness is a journey of discovery.

Two major influences in our wellness journey are The China Study (Colin Campbell) and Food Matters.  Each of these resources has led us to a plethora of other experts and research; the list is too long to be exhaustive but include:  Isagenix:  World Leader in Nutritional Cleansing, The Gerson Miracle, Michael Pollan (In Defense of Food), Jordan Rubin (The Great Physician), Lysa TerKeurst (Made to Crave), Food, Inc., Fresh:  The Movie, David Wolfe (raw foodist expert)... so many committed people who want to share their passion and knowledge with others.  We are truly blessed to have people like this in our world.

One myth that was shattered for me when reading The China Study was the influence our genes play in the role of disease, illness and other tendencies.  Before reading the astounding research conducted in this life-changing book, I liked (yes, you read that correctly) the idea that I had limited control over the future of my health in terms of cancer, cholesterol and heart disease.  You see, my family lineage determined all of that for me, so it was just a matter of time before I fell ill to one ailment or another.  I was dumbfounded and skeptical of the study's claim that my genes actually accounted for 1-2% of my future.  Interesting, to say the least.  Very interesting.  Disturbing even.

This knowledge was not liberating and sensible until I stopped kidding myself.  I accepted and EMBRACED that my genes play an insignificant role.  My inheritance was more about habits and lifestyle than my DNA.  In the end, I had more control over my health and wellness than I wanted to accept.  When I acknowledged the implications of my choices and responsibilities, the future of my wellness looked very different.  Indeed, it looked so different that I have stopped looking around me at someone else to make things better for me.  Each day, I wake and have to look at the face in the mirror and ask, "So, what's it going to be today--wellness or self-destruction?"  My answer is not always wellness.

When reading The China Study or watching The Gerson Miracle, I am dumbfounded by the opposition these wellness leaders have faced in getting their message out to the masses.  I hope you will read the first and watch the last!  I would love to hear what you think.  Back to my point:  I cannot make sense of the professionals who want so badly to disregard the pivotal role nutrition plays in our lives.  We live in a Sick Care, not a Health Care, society.  There are doctors and drug companies that want us to be in a cycle of illness, because they think without our ailments they will be obsolete.  In their defense, I do not know that they were trained to think otherwise.  In fact, if professionals were truly health care-oriented, they would first go to nutrition and be skeptical of drugs and surgery.  In the words of the Rockefeller Institute of Medical Research:  "If the doctors of today do not become the nutritionists of tomorrow, then the nutritionists of today will become the doctors of tomorrow."

What we put into our mouth each day can literally kill us or help us thrive.  I have read and been told, by several sources, that nutrition accounts for 80% of our appearance.  People will argue with that, or try to explain why they look exactly the same despite eating nutritaionally sound, but I cannot buy it.  I have met too many people with amazing stories, and read too many stories (of people I have not met, darn it!) of success to begin to buy into the fallacy.

Some things are so unclear that they make perfect sense.  If we believe and acknowledge that nutrition can cure or kill us, then we have one very important person to answer to--ourselves.

Be Uncommon,
PJK :)

Inspiration Is NOT Motivation

In the last Trail Running Magazine edition, I was struck by an article on motivation. It was well-written and inspired me, but it did nothing for my motivation. It was the perfect article. You need to check it out.

We confuse inspiration with motivation regularly. Too much, in fact, and too often so that we are left empty. We look outside ourselves to be motivated, oftentimes not admitting that the only real motivation comes from within.

Great friends, family, coaches, teachers, bosses, co-workers, children, leaders, speakers, athletes... well, nothing can motivate us like our own desires and intentions. All of these people can inspire us--think of Lance Armstrong, Mother Teresa and George Washington... a cancer survivor in your life or a survivor of horrific circumstances... all INSPIRING.

But WE and ONLY WE are the source for our own motivation. Perhaps this is why so few are truly motivated. Being your own motivation is a huge responsibility, a daunting one, in fact. To work from the point of our own motivation requires a deep and naked examination of what we value, what we need to give up and the bottom line--WHAT WE NEED TO CHANGE IN OUR LIFE.

It is simple, but it is not easy.

The beauty of intrinsic motivation is that when we do the tough work and surrender our belief to our true motivation in life, WE ARE UNSTOPPABLE. "No" is not in our vocabulary. "I cannot" changes to "How can I?" The reality is that being powerfully positive and unstoppable will scare a lot of people in our lives, and because they may be threatened by your never surrender living, be prepared to lose--and gain--people in your life.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTIVATION?  Better health?  Playing with your grandchildren pain-free?  Beating a disease?  Kicking addiction in the a**?  Saving your life?  Sleeping and moving better?  Giving your Gift freely to the world?  Living a life of purpose?  Being Christ-centered? 

Remember, those who MIND don't matter.  Those who MATTER don't mind.

What legacy will you leave your children--inspiration or motivation?

Be Uncommon,
PJK :)

Those Who Mind Don't Matter, and Those Who Matter Don't Mind

This saying has been shared at trainings I attend for my business, and it has changed my belief.

In college, a friend of mine, Bob, was the boyfriend of a good friend.  I thought of Bob yesterday, as I was thinking about people's dreams and aspirations.  Bob was a driven person and took on a full-time job in his field of study while going to school FULL-TIME.  He was a business major, and it was tough.  His circle of friends, including me, continually told him how crazy he was, he couldn't do it, it was too much... blah, blah, blah.  Do you have friends like that?

I was NOT a friend to Bob (yes, that is his real name!).  My friend (his girlfriend) later told me he was getting tired of us telling him he couldn't do it.  In fact, he was so darn mad that he worked harder than ever to be successful.  Guess what?  HE WAS SUCCESSFUL.  We were all wrong, but most of all, we were BAD friends.  Bob knew better--he did not let us steal his dream.  I apologize to him for being a Dream Stealer.  I thank Bob for teaching me a lesson.

At that time I saw myself as a visionary, a dreamer, but I was not.  I was caught up in the mindset that many of us have today--the mindset that someone or something else defines my vision and goals--someone besides God and me.  "Through Him, all things are possible."  AMEN

As children, we start our lives dancing, wondering and testing the limits.  As we grow, the world tells us, "No, no, no!"  There are no limits in our lives outside of those we set for ourselves.  The saying, "If you believe you cannot do it, you are right" is true.  Our subconscious is a million times more powerful than our conscious--it is what determines our path in life.  When we program ourselves for what we cannot do, we lose all sight of WHAT WE CAN DO.  And we can DO ANYTHING.

Limitations:  physical, mental, education, experience, money, location, time... none of these are limitations--the limitation is our BELIEF.  All of the others are conjured excuses for our fear of stepping outside of our current reality.  When you live within your reality of then and now, you never move into your full capability.  To be bigger than life is to step outside the bounds of your current situation and live recklessly, radically and fully in what you believe.  It is then that your life will change.  Read that again and do not think about it; do it.  Your life will change right now, I guarantee it.

Are you surrounding yourself with people who believe or who gain joy in tearing apart others' dreams?  You ARE who you surround yourself with in every way.  Misery loves company.  That is a well-known saying for a reason.  If you want to live your dream, you have to take responsibility for your belief.  Shed the negativity in your life, no excuses.  Surround yourself with people who lift you up.  Hold yourself accountable when the Nasty Naysayer rears its ugly head--stop it in its tracks.

Reprogram your belief for success.  Instead of proclaiming, "I will be debt-free," proclaim, "I will embrace financial freedom."  Say not, "I will complete a 50-miler if it kills me," but shout to the world, "I will run like a gazelle and claim the victory that is mine."  Sounds weird, doesn't it?  That is because the majority of those around you are afraid of your success.  You freak them out with your optimism and self-assuredness.  YOU are afraid of your success.  If we are stuck in a circle of downers and disbelievers, we cement a life of misery and mediocrity.  Most of all, we fuel our fire of excuses and can list a myriad of reasons we are unhappy, unhealthy and unmotivated.

It is when we step out into the world to live radically, freely and faithfully that we may be alone... But trust me, the other believers are lurking in the shadows looking for you.  They, too, are stepping into faith and belief.  Strength comes in numbers, but belief comes through FAITH.  Faith determines our ACTION.  Change your belief, embrace your faith, act radically and freely.

Those Who Mind Don't Matter
Those Who Matter Don't Mind

Do you MIND or MATTER?
The Answer

Be Uncommon,
PJK :)

I won't lie. I want a beer.

This sign brought such a smile to my face, I had to explain it to my daughter AND call my husband.  Of course, Karl laughed harder than me.

Honor Marie and I were returning from our Friday Pool Day.  I was at a popular intersection for beggars in KCMO/Liberty (152 and 35--you know exactly where this is if you live in our area).  A gentleman was there, holding this sign, walking car to car.  Unlike all of the other times, I did not give him money, precisely because he was going to buy a beer; but he was honest.  Over the last year, Karl has set an example in our house of giving to beggars/homeless.  It may be the last $5 in our car and what was going to get us gas to get home... but out of our life and as a blessing on another's is where it goes.  Karl states, "What he does with it is between him and God--I just know God wants us to give more."  I am crazy about this man!

Back to the gentleman--I loved his honesty.

Honesty has become a commodity of wheeling and dealing.  In a world riddled with lies, underhand conversations, blaming and things of self-interest, we've come to praise others for honesty and be so surprised when it happens.  Honesty was expected in the world in which I grew up, but apparently I had it all wrong--we should reward honesty rather than expect it (like good grades, hard work, commitment, honor and integrity).  We are the model for Honor Marie.  Too many of our public figures are not honest.  I ALWAYS point out the leaders who embrace honesty, and that stands for those with whom I disagree.

Last winter, another truck tried to pass Karl, illegally, on the right and broke our passenger mirror.  I was not concerned; I told Karl it was the other guy's fault and his insurance would pay for it.  Accidents happen!  Karl said, "No, I do not think he will be honest."  I never even questioned the situation!  Unfortunately, Karl was right.  The man lied, and we had to pay for the damages.

I have not always been honest.  Shamefully, I have told my share of lies, and God as my witness, I will struggle with honesty in the future.  Being honest is not always easy, but easy is not always honest.  I have zero control over another person's choice to be his best.  I have complete control over my decision to be my best.  In the word's of someone I admire, "It's simple.  It's not easy."

In our house, honesty is expected, not rewarded.

Be Uncommon,
PJK :)

Most Likely to Succeed

Social media websites are booming.  There are thousands of people "joining" social networks everyday and for thousands of reasons.  As humans and Americans, we thrive on interaction with others.  Even the most introverted of us want to connect with others on different levels--through our church, our work, our activities, old networks of friends.   Social media shattered the time and distance barriers among friends and family.

I have accounts on My Space, Twitter, Facebook and Linked In.  Right now, I use FB the most, and in recent weeks have reconnected with a lot of classmates from high school.  I have had a blast looking at pictures, reading profiles and exchanging messages... getting caught up on what the Burg kids are doing.

Connecting with CHS classmates got me thinking about our senior year and the awards assembly at the end of our tenure as Bulldogs (this all came to me in the shower, as mentioned in my original blog post).  A lot of awards were given out, and I was honored with Most Likely to Succeed.  At 18 years old, that's quite an idea to wrap one's head around.  Chatting with classmates about the last (almost) 20 years of their lives got me thinking about that award and what "Most Likely to Succeed" might look like.

As I read profiles, exchanged emails, phone calls and looked at pictures... I decided that success was all around me and in so many different ways.  My classmates and I were all Most Likely to Succeed--creating families, embracing professional opportunities, caring for family and supporting friends in need.  Honoring the memory of loved ones who have gone onto a better life...

I was stunned by the sudden and tragic death of one of our classmates and friends, Gretchen Peterson.  She owned an accounting firm in Menomonee Falls and was said to be very happy.  In the days before her untimely death, she was getting ready to spend Father's Day with her family and time with good, old friends.  Though I have not seen Gretchen in many years, my heart ached for those closest to her and for her life ending at such a young age.  I am grateful for Debbie, who was able to share this about Gretchen via FB.

The power of FB helped me to realize that classmates, and friends, like Gretchen have been living their lives Most Likely to Succeed for almost 20 years.  Success is not something to be chased and attained but a force living and breathing inside each of us.  What we choose to do with each day we are given on this earth will determine the legacy we leave.  Gretchen, I am lifting you up and know you are watching over your loved ones.

Thinking about Gretchen, what is the legacy you will leave?  How will you honor each day you have left in this life, not knowing which day may be your last?

Be Uncommon,
PJK :)